| well hello there stranger. |
[28 Jan 2009|10:45pm] |
that's one of my least favourite things to hear. people always say shit like that to you when they are entering into a saccharine, forced exchange. no, we didn't miss eachother enough to force contact. yes i am a stranger to you. it's always been that way.
blargh.
but it's so weird to stumbleupon these things again, you know?
read your own words and feel so distant and confused, oft ashamed but at the same time...so drawn and fascinated. tummy in knots.
but i am here now.
incorporating all of this.
with nothing really to say.
more later?
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| Happy Birthday, Lux |
[06 Feb 2008|11:53am] |
This one goes out to you, daughter.
You are lovely lovely absolutely lovely who would believe the loveliness of you?
Happy Eighteenth.
And welcome to
"Adulthood"
Love,
Jza
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| stealing music is scrumdiddlyumcious sometimes, no? |
[01 Jul 2007|02:29am] |
http://myspacevalley.com
newest music addiction.
as per usual im probably one of the last ones to pick up on this site...but ive had a quite a bit of fun with it the last couple of days and maybe just maybe there is someone as computer illiterate as I who will get their jollies off this.
do enjoy!
sleeplessly yours,
-jza
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[22 May 2007|01:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cursive. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
who am i if i'm alone. i hardly exist at all... |
] |
cursive tomorrow night. stoked.
[fairytales tell tales]
Let's pretend we're not needy
Let's pretend our hearts still beat
Let's pretend we fall in love tonight
Clumsy enough to fall for anything
We'll stumble on our words
We'll spill our guts on creaking bar stools
love in neon blue
Low lives hiding in dives
There's no feeling in drinking
Sleeping with strangers
Ghosts passing through bedrooms unaware
A faint reflection on the barback's mirror
A face I never knew whispering
"Please don't be a stranger to me
Who are you if you're alone?"
You're no good at pretending
All my plays have tragic endings
You wish I was a fairy tale
This frog will never change anything
Just pretend that you're in love
That scolding sun is bound to come up eventually
So who is it that whispers in your ear?
A haunting voice blows in through the window
There's no feeling floating over beds
A needy, pleading apparition
Crying, "Who am I if I'm alone?
I hardly exist at all
Let's pretend that we don't need
Anything anymore from anyone
I don't want to feel anything anymore
Let's just pretend"
We'll live happily ever after
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|
[19 May 2007|12:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
coandca |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
three evils --der. |
] |
im creeping myself out. reading the coheed comic whilst listening to co and ca.
on the up and up--
im nowhere as whacked as claudio sanchez.
there is a god.
he got his heart broken AND wrote a comic about ripping the girl to shreds. in space. violently. to shreds guys.
not like i blame him.
pen. paper. colored pencils--check.
in keeping secrets of silent earth 4: in alex springer's blood and burial.
okay sociopath, no more scremo for you.
-jza
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|
[27 Apr 2007|12:37pm] |
Dear Alex,
When I found out about all of this I just wanted you to be there. Thanks for showing up...I think. No, no I'm sorry you did. I revoke my thanks. Everything is happening at once. My head can't understand it for a moment. I should be scared. I am. I just want you to hold me. I don't want to die.
-Me
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|
[27 Apr 2007|12:33pm] |
please.
drugs.
now.
thanks.
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[11 Apr 2007|10:17am] |
|
"who told you love was fleeting? sometimes men can be so misleading...to take what they need from you. whatever you need to make you feel. like you've been the one behind the wheel. the sunrise is just over that hill. the worst is over. whatever i said to make you think--that love's the religon of the weak. this mourning we love like weaklings. the worst is over."
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| pussy control. |
[10 Apr 2007|11:00pm] |
does anyone have pussy control from prince's Gold Experience?
im feeling hardcore.
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| goodness gracious! big request. |
[02 Apr 2007|08:55pm] |
okay once upon a time i did a dance randomly in some crowded LA studio to a song:
i remembered the lyrics 'cause i tend to pick up lyrics relatively well -- so i searched the web--found one sight with the song lyrics discovered it's Inner--My Philosphy off their Karaoke album apparently--can not find the song anywhere though--any suggestions? it's making me crazy.
I want this song.
Hope everyone is well!
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|
[04 Mar 2007|01:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
death cab. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
there was a decorated general with a heart of gold that - |
] |
less:
midterms.
work.
classes.
confusion over him.
hunger vs. utter hatred of body/guilt/bikini-wearing for the entirety of break w/ 3 GORGEOUS girls
trying to understand this foreign concept of slowly
more:
sun.
good grades.
love that makes sense.
money.
being able to not concern myself with those things that don't matter.
fruit.
talking to my besty.
accomplishment.
i love and miss so many of you.
jza
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[19 Feb 2007|12:22pm] |
"see the cat, see the cradle?"
yeah... me either.
alex never gets out of my fucking head.
charleston, bitches. is gonna be amazingness awesomeness embodied in days of enjoyment with some brilliant kids.
so so so stoked.
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|
[13 Feb 2007|12:57pm] |
Goodbye to sleep
I think this staying up is exactly what i need
Take apart your head
Take apart the counting and the flock it has bred
Goodbye to love
It’s just a ride that will push you
Up right against the wall*
Take apart your head...right against the wall...
Chew it up and swallow it
*(Does everybody really need to know everyone?
Do you really think you're really a part of it?
And is your army really one of some thousands?
And will you declare war on the loony bin?)
But I'll bet that you're running
I've been sleeping in the alkaline
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right
Goodbye you liar
Well, you sipped from her cup
But you don't own up to anything
And you think you will inspire*
*(When I arrive will God be waiting and pacing around his throne?
Will he feel a little Old Testament?
And will he celebrate with fire and brimstone
Yeah, I admit, I am afraid of the reckoning)
Take apart your head...yeah, I wish I could inspire
Take apart the demon up in the attic to the left*
But I'll bet that you're running
I've been sleeping in the alkaline
I can't shake this little feeling
I never say anything right (I'm on my own)
I never say anything right (I'm on my own)
I never say anything right (I'm on my own)
I never say anything right...right...right (I'm on my own)
*(Goodbye my love
You wait right here, and they will come and pick you up
I've been on pause
But I’m shaking off the rust
I’ve lost my charge
I've been degaussed
I've been degaussed
I've been degaussed)
Take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
Please say, "I don't mind you under my skin
And I’ll let your bad parts in. the bad parts in"
When we were made we were set apart
But life is a test and I get bad marks
Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins
The storm is coming
The storm is coming in
But I'll bet that you're running
I've been sleeping in the alkaline
I can't shake this little feeling
I never did anything right (I'm on my own)
I never did anything right (I'm on my own)
Take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
I don't mind you under my skin
I’ll let the bad parts in the bad parts in
Well, you’re my favorite bird and when you sing
I really do wish that you would wear my ring
But no matter what they say, I am still the king
The storm is coming
The storm is coming in.
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|
[13 Feb 2007|12:15pm] |
|
(i think it'd be worth all the shit we can't avoid it just to touch you again. you're the only one who looks at me that way)
Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could
All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong
The last girl in the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss in your first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final seconds you ever learned to me was love
We have got through so much worse than this before
What's so different this time that you can't ignore
You say it is much more than just my last mistake
And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes
The last girl in the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss in your first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final seconds you ever learned to me was love
The last girl in the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss in your first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final seconds you ever learned to me was love
And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness [x2]
And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness [x2]
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[01 Feb 2007|11:14am] |
|
for the record, sweetheart, i don't want to hear your voice anymore. we aren't friends. never were. never will be.
so i don't think i will be taking you up on that oh-so generous offer of a freebie guaranteed phone call.
i'm actually doing better.
youre like quicksand.
and i'm doing well. for once. i'm doing well.
so. no.
the only words i want to hear out of your mouth are "i love you" and we're way past that point. and that thought scares me.
so. alex. darling. hm.
just no.
-jza
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[26 Jan 2007|12:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
andrew bird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
youre beautiful but you dont mean a thing to me |
] |
i keep dreaming of you.
yeah. again. last night.
and you were making love to me...the way only you can. whispering into my body...pulling all of these little things out of me that I thought I'd never show any one. every breath, and arch and sigh like a little secret part of me, i am giving to you against my will. and part of me wants to cry because it's so perfect and i know how fragile perfection is. how it sits cupped in the palm of your hand and if you breathe too heavily...
" it's like a beautiful snowflake. the very act of trying to closely examine it/preserve it causes its destruction..."
i cant put my finger on how i feel these days. how i miss you these days.
i cant place how it feels to stir awake in the early mornings, where in my exhaustion i can still taste you, hear your voice, feel your hair caught between my fingers, arching into you, lost.
it's like a taste on the tip of your tongue.
you're becoming this fond memory i can't even really believe.
but i know you're not that.
i know we werent that. and would never be that.
i just feel...off.
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| what did i just do? |
[15 Jan 2007|04:35am] |
I can't believe I just wrote this.
I can't believe I just wrote this.
I can't believe I just wrote this.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for being anonymous. Thank you for not knowing me. Thank you for letting me say this...
(I can't stop shaking.)
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| sorority? bitch, please. |
[14 Jan 2007|08:51pm] |
 As if I didn't feel out of place enough at school...
I come back to Wake and guess what... 93 percent of the freshman females rushed. WHAT?! So.
It's official I am a social reject...and will probably remain that way. Now I'm seriously regretting spending my entire first semester with Alex making friends...in ROANOKE. bad plan. super lonely lonely lonely now.
Jeesh.
Jeesh.
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| How Does a Transformation Happen? |
[13 Jan 2007|01:18am] |
I think I've decided what to call the novel I have been working on for about a year now. This is big news so I feel like sharing it:
Gradually, Then Suddenly
Why not give a nod to one of the greatest author's of all time and to one of my favourite quotes. That's how transformation happens.
Humans are made to adapt. So I'm enacting a little 3-part plan taught to me by a relatively wise young man
1. Think of Something
2. Make a Decision
3. Execute the Decision
I'm not pleased with where I am. I am young. I am free. I have the ability to make a transformation:
Gradually, then suddenly.
I just have to fight my pessimistic nature.
"there is as just light as there is dark, but mostly the world is coloured with shades of inbetweens"
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[05 Jan 2007|10:36pm] |
i will not be anyone's bitch any more.
done.
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